The language of silence

ssshhhhh____silence__please_by_lnefer-d3c38be

For some silence brings anxiety attacks, but not to me. I find much comfort in silence. I can say the journey of me and silence has been as old as I am (that would be not too old as 50’s and not too young as 20’s).

As a child, I grew up in a joint family, with grandparents, aunts and uncles and of course my parents. You might be trying to figure out silence amidst the chaos of so many family members. Staying in a joint family is not always peaceful and enjoyable like a story book picture where everyone and everything seems to be happy. Actually there were some good days and many bad days. My father had a transferable job, and it was decided between the two parents that mother and I should be staying at my grandparents.

The arrangement was made; father was working peacefully without being worried about us. Mother and I were staying without disturbing my father and at the same time I was getting educated with all the family attention and drama.

My parents used to fight, as a child you could always sense it. As the fight use to begin, it was never a matter to be solved between the two of them; the entire family use to jump into the fight. What did you think of me? A child, yes I was a child who could easily sense the tension in the air. And of course I used to get scared at first, then it became more like watching a live movie (except I was a child and didn’t pay for the tickets).

So, what could I do? I used to run away and sit in the garden. Thankfully we had a garden; garden with beautiful flowers and not thorns like the harsh words exchanged during the fight. Silence…and long silence used to be mine. Sometimes I used to spend hours sitting there. I remember at first I used to think why the fight, who is to be blamed, is it the same in every house. But then came a moment of silence and it dissolved all my feelings and pain. Suddenly all the things happening in my family stopped affecting me anymore.

Then I moved out off house to start my career. I was filled with newness of life. Everything was different as life looked quite promising to me (like any other teenager).

After working the entire day, where would you go, yes home. At that time as I was a fresher and a not yet married; home was a cozy room with a bed, a side table with a study lamp, a cooking stove and some utensils. Yes, that was it. So, what about silence, if I had been working and just crashing into the bed all tired after the day’s work; where was silence in this scenario. Coming to that point; there were weekends and I used to spend those by just sleeping or shopping. Then came a point where I was no longer interested in these and I didn’t have any friends as such (it was a new place and everyone was a stranger to me).

So, what new could I do? I started to read. When I got bored of that as well, I used to be silent for long hours. It helped me to think and re think about my life, about my goals, about my next steps in life.

Then I met my husband the boring days were gone (so, I thought, but they will come in the future). We moved to a different city and then he suddenly became busy, very busy. He used to leave for work in the morning at eight and come back late at night.

I didn’t have any company other than the walls and all the tangible things in my house. We used to talk very less, not because there was tension between us, but because he didn’t have the time.

Then again, came along my way; long lost silence. This time it was not the calm understanding me that I had faced earlier. I was much disturbed and frustrated; thinking why was I being ignored. Was it my fault or his, thinking what had changed in our relationship.

Silence and complete silence told me it is nobody’s fault. He is working hard for us (and of course for himself as well). In silence I got rid of all the negativity that was polluting my mind.

Silence never eat me up, but always gave me a sense of understanding and calmness. It taught me to be patient and helped me to deal with the situations that I faced.

Every country has its own language, and language again is broken to different dialects based on the regions. Similarly I believe, silence to be a language on its own. Silence can make some people uneasy, but that is not its true nature. Silence can be interpreted in many ways. I would like to think that it helps to emote in a better manner. Emote as in not only emotions but also helps to relate to our problems, situations and sometimes those nasty and not so nasty people that we have to deal with in life. Of course, you are free to have a different viewpoint at any given time.

When parents look at their new born, the silence is that of a miracle.

When parents watch their children walk, the silence is of happiness.

When parents watch you go on your first date, the silence is of amazement.

When you leave your parents in search of a job and achieving you dreams, the silence is promising.

When you face rejections in life and interviews, the silence is of desperation.

When the girlfriend/ boyfriend ditches you, the silence is heartbreaking.

When you have proved yourself in life, the silence is a successful one.

When someone dear passes away, the silence is to remember.

When you try to remember the people who are long gone, the silence is of missing and sometimes regretting.

So, haven’t we all observed silence in our lives. We all have faced silence in our happy days and sad days too. The life continues in silence, but we hardly notice it because it all happens without us being in silence. There are some who like to flow with the hustle and bustle, and then there are some who follow the silence. Some enjoy the beat of chaotic life while the others listen to the silent tune of silence.

Weekly Writing Challenge: The Sound of Silence

Smile an everlasting smile

Smile an everlasting smile

“Smile an everlasting smile…” these are not just words from a song. I’ve always thought why is it difficult to wear a smile. Although sometimes it appears on our faces without any hesitation and other times it is equally burdensome.

I know of someone whose life is not going uphill in terms of career or personal life and she is very depressed. I remember her; she was the same person who used to enjoy life to the fullest. I can sense the sadness in her tone. So one day I asked her, “Why don’t you smile?” And she said,”I can’t”. I told her but you should at least try. She said,” I don’t know, I can’t. It is very hard. Even if I try to, it is very difficult.”

This dialogue with her made me thinking that is it possible not to smile. Can it be so difficult to wear a smile? People say “laughter is the best medicine” and I truly believe that. You can’t laugh all the time and so I’m a big fan of a simple smile. Nothing else will brighten your day like a simple smile.

One of the things that I like to do early in the morning is walk up to the mirror and simply smile at myself. Unlike my friend even I was not doing great in the two quadrants of life: career and relationship.  All of a sudden I could feel that my heart had gained weight and it was sinking and corroding me from inside. I don’t know about looking but I used to feel that I was five times older than usual (of course! without any experience or my actual age being that old). To be honest I didn’t like this new version of me. I think most of the people would agree to my condition because there are times when things do not go your way and this is exactly how someone or most of us would feel. So I started to find ways to pull myself back to the old me that I had known for so many years.

I started reading motivational books, watch motivational CD’s I also started tracing steps of influential people who withstood hard times; but nothing was helping me much and I kept going back to the gloomy me. I realized that I was spending most of my time inside the house, so, I decided to move out. I made it a routine to go out in the park at least once in the day.

The park not only used to fill me with a new refreshing energy but it pleased my heart as well. I used to sit an enjoy the children playing and laughing, the dogs taking a walk with their owners, youngsters and old walking and exercising  to keep themselves fit and healthy. I couldn’t stop myself from going to the park. But there was still some sadness in my heart.

As one day I was sitting in the park bench a small child came up to me, and she simply smiled at me. I couldn’t stop myself and returned her smile. In that moment something had changed and I could feel that I was not trying to smile but genuinely smile at her. It was a miracle moment for me because my heart was also smiling with me and I felt light as a feather. I kept smiling that entire day.

The next morning when I got up and was accidentally standing in front of the mirror I could see a faint smile on my face. I could see the change in me and around me. That smile had not only brightened my day but also brought a new and better version of me.

From that day on wards I decided that the first thing I’ll do after getting up would be to look at my reflection on the mirror and smile. It has almost been one year and I’ve kept up with this routine till date. I think it is just a way of greeting me and wishing a great day ahead. I would agree that sometimes when the life doesn’t go my way I become sad but I’ve found out a trick to keep smiling and keep myself happy. I just have to remember the innocent smile of that girl who walked up to me in the park, and I have a smile on my face (Sometimes I think what if the smile of that girl fades away from my memory what will I do then. Simple I’ll look for another innocent smile; the world is big enough to find one).

I’ve realized that a smile is just like a flower; the freshness and the fragrance of which spreads from your heart to your face. But when times are difficult you could just wear a smile and your heart would bloom with joy (not to mention that you would look younger).