For some silence brings anxiety attacks, but not to me. I find much comfort in silence. I can say the journey of me and silence has been as old as I am (that would be not too old as 50’s and not too young as 20’s).
As a child, I grew up in a joint family, with grandparents, aunts and uncles and of course my parents. You might be trying to figure out silence amidst the chaos of so many family members. Staying in a joint family is not always peaceful and enjoyable like a story book picture where everyone and everything seems to be happy. Actually there were some good days and many bad days. My father had a transferable job, and it was decided between the two parents that mother and I should be staying at my grandparents.
The arrangement was made; father was working peacefully without being worried about us. Mother and I were staying without disturbing my father and at the same time I was getting educated with all the family attention and drama.
My parents used to fight, as a child you could always sense it. As the fight use to begin, it was never a matter to be solved between the two of them; the entire family use to jump into the fight. What did you think of me? A child, yes I was a child who could easily sense the tension in the air. And of course I used to get scared at first, then it became more like watching a live movie (except I was a child and didn’t pay for the tickets).
So, what could I do? I used to run away and sit in the garden. Thankfully we had a garden; garden with beautiful flowers and not thorns like the harsh words exchanged during the fight. Silence…and long silence used to be mine. Sometimes I used to spend hours sitting there. I remember at first I used to think why the fight, who is to be blamed, is it the same in every house. But then came a moment of silence and it dissolved all my feelings and pain. Suddenly all the things happening in my family stopped affecting me anymore.
Then I moved out off house to start my career. I was filled with newness of life. Everything was different as life looked quite promising to me (like any other teenager).
After working the entire day, where would you go, yes home. At that time as I was a fresher and a not yet married; home was a cozy room with a bed, a side table with a study lamp, a cooking stove and some utensils. Yes, that was it. So, what about silence, if I had been working and just crashing into the bed all tired after the day’s work; where was silence in this scenario. Coming to that point; there were weekends and I used to spend those by just sleeping or shopping. Then came a point where I was no longer interested in these and I didn’t have any friends as such (it was a new place and everyone was a stranger to me).
So, what new could I do? I started to read. When I got bored of that as well, I used to be silent for long hours. It helped me to think and re think about my life, about my goals, about my next steps in life.
Then I met my husband the boring days were gone (so, I thought, but they will come in the future). We moved to a different city and then he suddenly became busy, very busy. He used to leave for work in the morning at eight and come back late at night.
I didn’t have any company other than the walls and all the tangible things in my house. We used to talk very less, not because there was tension between us, but because he didn’t have the time.
Then again, came along my way; long lost silence. This time it was not the calm understanding me that I had faced earlier. I was much disturbed and frustrated; thinking why was I being ignored. Was it my fault or his, thinking what had changed in our relationship.
Silence and complete silence told me it is nobody’s fault. He is working hard for us (and of course for himself as well). In silence I got rid of all the negativity that was polluting my mind.
Silence never eat me up, but always gave me a sense of understanding and calmness. It taught me to be patient and helped me to deal with the situations that I faced.
Every country has its own language, and language again is broken to different dialects based on the regions. Similarly I believe, silence to be a language on its own. Silence can make some people uneasy, but that is not its true nature. Silence can be interpreted in many ways. I would like to think that it helps to emote in a better manner. Emote as in not only emotions but also helps to relate to our problems, situations and sometimes those nasty and not so nasty people that we have to deal with in life. Of course, you are free to have a different viewpoint at any given time.
When parents look at their new born, the silence is that of a miracle.
When parents watch their children walk, the silence is of happiness.
When parents watch you go on your first date, the silence is of amazement.
When you leave your parents in search of a job and achieving you dreams, the silence is promising.
When you face rejections in life and interviews, the silence is of desperation.
When the girlfriend/ boyfriend ditches you, the silence is heartbreaking.
When you have proved yourself in life, the silence is a successful one.
When someone dear passes away, the silence is to remember.
When you try to remember the people who are long gone, the silence is of missing and sometimes regretting.
So, haven’t we all observed silence in our lives. We all have faced silence in our happy days and sad days too. The life continues in silence, but we hardly notice it because it all happens without us being in silence. There are some who like to flow with the hustle and bustle, and then there are some who follow the silence. Some enjoy the beat of chaotic life while the others listen to the silent tune of silence.